Date Everything Review

I have to be honest, I’ve never been a fan of dating sims in particular. Relationships are complicated enough in real life, so I’ve never been keen to add the experience of getting to know people into my gaming library. But when Date Everything was announced, I immediately knew it would be different. 

Date Everything is a dating sim by Sassy Chap Games in which you never leave the house, which is relatable, and you get to know your furniture, appliances, and trinkets on an intimate level. You can date the toilet, the treadmill, the fridge, even the water or electricity. Hell, even the air itself is dateable. It’s an insane and nonsensical trip into the world of virtual dating, and I cannot get enough. 

Date Everything Review

10.0Masterpiece

PlatformsPC, PS5, Switch, Xbox X|S

Release DateJune 17, 2025

DeveloperSassy Chap Games

PublisherTeam17

I tried to keep my expectations low as I entered into my first Date Everything experience. Not because I thought the game would be bad, because everything we’ve seen of it before release has been nothing short of incredible, but because I have been burned by my expectations far too many times to count. Happily, for once, I can safely say that Date Everything far exceeded even my highest expectations, despite my best attempts to keep them down. 

Characterization on point

There are 100 dateable characters in Date Everything, and some ‘characters’ are actually made up of multiple characters (Curt & Rod, Volt & Eddie, The Hanks), and I did go into this with some concerns that things might get a little competitive because of that. However, every single one of those 100+ characters is entirely unique, and while they may not all be lovable per sé (although this is subjective depending on your taste), they are all incredibly memorable. 

After donning the Dateviators and setting out to explore my house and “awaken” the furniture, I quickly found that I had some favorites. By the time I’d unlocked all 100 dateable characters, I had picked out five that had my attention more than others (Eddie, Cam, Drysdale, Beau, and Teddy). Your favorites will undoubtedly differ from mine, but you will have favorites. 

Not every character or group will be likeable to every player. The Hanks are among my least favorite, at least four of them (Hank 2 seems to have moments of startling clarity, and at times I find myself worrying that he may be being held against his will), and Lux is just… Awful. He fast became my first and proudest “Hate ending”. 

Regardless of whether you love or hate a character, they are all gorgeously and impeccably designed, despite being outlandish at first glance. Every single design perfectly personifies the furniture or appliance that the character represents, and yet each outfit manages to look like something that wouldn’t be out of place on the catwalk at New York Fashion Week. You instantly know what each character is meant to be, just from the design of their outfit. 

We need to talk about the voice cast

It’s hard to imagine a similar game with such a stacked voice cast. There are so many characters whose lines of dialogue will trigger that part of your brain, and you’ll find yourself thinking, “Where do I know that voice from?”

Stand-outs include Ben Starr (Clive in FFXVI) and Neil Newbon (Astarion in BG3) who play the doors and the dryer, respectively. Never thought that would be on my bingo card, but here we are. For what it’s worth, if you’re one of those Astarion fans, you’re going to love Drysdale. Every single voice actor plays their role to absolute perfection, and it’s fair to say that there’s a hefty amount of talent to enjoy.

And, on top of all of the dateable characters, I also need to touch on the narrator. If you’ve played The Stanley Parable, both the voice and comedic styling of the narration will be very familiar to you. It’s funny, happens at all the right moments, and the level of sarcasm is straddling the line between hilarious and offensive, managing the perfect balancing act that never quite crosses over into the negative. 

Meaningful relationships with mundane objects

While the basis of Date Everything is, undoubtedly, incredibly strange, that doesn’t stop there from being moments of impactful dialogue that will resonate with you while you play. 

Admittedly, not all of those moments are emotional gut punches, although many of them are. A conversation with the mirror had me admitting that I tend to avoid looking in them because I look far older than I feel, and talking to Lyric (the personification of literature) about the impact of writing really hit me because… Well, here I am, writing about it. 

But, on the flip side, some of the moments experienced with characters in Date Everything feel a bit like a personal attack in the funniest way possible. Take, for instance, a discussion with Mac (the computer) who judged me for my taste in FanFiction (yes, I write FanFiction. No, you won’t find it), or Washford (the washing machine) who lamented the fact that wet laundry was left, forgotten, inside of him. I found myself apologizing to this fictional personification of a laundry appliance because I felt guilty.

A collector’s dream… Or nightmare

There are 404 collectibles to be found throughout Date Everything, but they’re not simple things to click on around the house. Instead, you need to find them through conversation with each character, and it is impossible to find them all in a single playthrough. According to Skylar (the personification of the Dateviators and your handy guide throughout the game), you need at least three full playthroughs to gather up all 404. That’s a hefty undertaking. 

Usually, that knowledge alone would be enough to make me give up on trying to find them all, or even enough to make me stop playing altogether. Forced replays usually aren’t something I can get on board with, but Date Everything is different. 

Why? Because there are so many different conversations to have with each character, and three different endings for each of them. You can get the Love, Friends, or Hate ending for every character, that’s 300 different courses of conversation, 300 entirely different relationships, and thanks to the incredibly well-written dialogue and ludicrously stacked voice cast, I want to hear every single one of those lines. 

There is a story and an end goal

I’ve admitted that I’m not usually a dating sim player, so I’m unsure whether this is the norm or not, but Date Everything has a fleshed-out and compelling story and an end goal that actually makes me want to reach it. Date Everything is far more than first meets the eye, and while you’re having fun getting to know the household goods, there’s a deep and lore-packed story that’s building not only overall, but between individual characters. 

Washford and Drysdale have a sordid history filled with heartbreak and devastation, and it’s your job to try to mend the rift between them. Mitchell Linn (the food) has a crush on Dorian (the door), and at one point, the toolbox let slip that the toilet is incontinent, which frankly, is not something I ever dreamt I would get to write or even contemplate. I even jumped in to help Penelope (the office supplies) in her dating endeavors, completely ignoring my own for a while.

Everything in Date Everything is connected to at least one other thing in some weird and wonderful way, and getting to know all of the characters helps to unlock new dialogue, quests, or even new dateables. 

While I won’t spoil the end goal of Date Everything, because finding out naturally through gameplay was a strange and hilarious moment that I believe everyone should get to experience firsthand, I will say that your relationships and your choices matter in the long run. This is more than just a gloriously wacky fever dream where the furniture can talk. 

Content options for triggering moments

Look, Date Everything is a dating sim and is rated Mature for a reason. It’s filled with sexual encounters and innuendos, including a personification of a sex toy called Ben-Hwa who… Does exactly what she’s designed to do. There are also mentions of domination, PTSD, mental health issues, and other things that could be potentially triggering. 

Thankfully, there is an option that provides you with a warning when these things are going to happen, and you feel like it’s something that you don’t particularly want to see at that moment in time. You don’t get penalized for choosing to give them a miss, and any S.P.E.C.S. points you might have earned from those encounters are still rewarded, regardless of whether you witnessed them or not. 

Building up your S.P.E.C.S

Every character has one of five corresponding traits: Smarts, Poise, Empathy, Charm, and Sass. These traits, cumulatively, are known as “S.P.E.C.S”. Reaching one of the relationships (Love, Friends, or Hate) with a character will reward you five points in their corresponding S.P.E.C.S trait. This is starting to sound like a guide, but what I’m trying to say is that it’s a really good system. 

At first, this system seems relatively pointless until you encounter a dialogue box that you can’t click because you don’t have enough points in the corresponding S.P.E.C.S stat. At that point, you’ll find yourself lamenting the fact that you haven’t been nice (or mean) enough to enough characters to earn those points, because you’ll miss out on using that dialogue option forever… At least until you finish the game and use New Game+ to start again.

With 100 characters and five S.P.E.C.S stats, there are 20 characters for each stat, and you have to reach some sort of relationship with all of them. That means that, even if you can’t stand a character, it’s worth your time to at least make them hate you, which is arguably the most fun. It’s kind of fun to be an asshole, sometimes. 

And yes, you do need to aim for maxing out every S.P.E.C.S stat, because you’ll need them to complete the game and reach that elusive end goal. No, I’m still not spoiling what that is. 

Hunting for negatives

Okay, look, I think it’s pretty clear by now (along with the score) that I love Date Everything. I’m not going to argue with that, but I don’t feel like I can just gush about my adoration without at least attempting to balance it with some form of negative. So, I looked very hard and tried to look at this objectively to find something that could do with improvement. 

Do you know what I ended up with? The dialogue box is annoyingly off-center. That’s it.

Controller support is perfect, and the settings are exactly what they need to be between the actual settings and Skylar’s content options. Best of all, there are no bugs or issues that I’ve thus far encountered, and I’m well into double figures when it comes to play time.

Everything about Date Everything is smooth and enjoyable. All except that misaligned text box (which is definitely just me being ultra picky), and if that’s the worst thing I can find, then you know that Date Everything is something special.